Tonker.

Thanks for inviting me on a bike ride, but I don't have a bike now, I swapped it for a bag of bird seed.

You've bin robbed

I have as well, 20k and it;'s cereal grains, little seeds. I gave bad feedback.

Mam went mental when I swapped our prize milk cow for a bag of beans.

She's beanstalking ever since.

Mac., my brother in law is looking out for a bike like yours, (I mean like the one you used to have! ), if you know of anybody who is selling one!

Mother Superior was walking in the garden one day when she saw a novice nun working in the vegetable patch. Unfortunately every seed she planted was stolen by the birds, which were sitting, watching her from nearby. "F*** off!" she shouted, "Just f*** off!" Mother Superior was quite disgusted by this and called her over. "Young lady....... That is NOT how a young nun behaves. Next time the birds steal your seeds, just say shoo....... shoo.... and they'll F*** OFF by themselves...."

Anyway, I planted some bird seeds a few weeks ago, and haven't had a single bird grown yet!

mother Superior and a lesser underling nun was driving down a main street when, a homeless person jumped on the bonnet of the car, the underling nun asked the mother superior " what should i do" the mother superior said, " show him your cross", So the underling nun open the window, leaned out and shouted in an angry tone, " get the F*** off my Effing Car you Effing low life mother F***er ",

@tomplum wrote:mother Superior and a lesser underling nun was driving down a main street when, a homeless person jumped on the bonnet of the car, the underling nun asked the mother superior " what should i do" the mother superior said, " show him your cross", So the underling nun open the window, leaned out  and shouted in an angry tone, " get the  F*** off my Effing Car you Effing low life mother F***er ",  

The wreckage of a decent vampire joke. Cross - crucifix.


In a similar one the passenger nun lost her crucifix and was told to use her fingers. Meaning make the sign of the cross with her digits.

She gave the vampire the V's with both hands and swore at him!

Much better told in person with the actions.

Made you a cake.