fully protected

First topic message reminder :

Today I had my second jab and now am fully protected from Covid, or as protected as I can be, If only they could make a vaccine for cretins and undesirables with personality disfunctions ,
Anyways, I treated myself to a new telly 50 inch samsung with all the whistles and bells, its like going to the cinema in your own house,

We currently have a claim in for breach of privacy against Easy Jet when their computers got hacked. Not planning a holiday with what we may get YEARS down the road.

Double edged sword this technology malarky

I am worried about this Indian variant.
A friend of mine caught it and now he's lying in a korma.
Worse, he's only just buried his naan.

My neighbour lost her sight, but she won't let it beat her. She is working as a prostitute but you have to hand it to her

I think I may have caught the Indian variant of covid now, I will have to phone in Sikh on Monday

It may not be politically correct, but I wouldn't ever date someone who was born with deformed feet.
You could say I'm lack-toes intolerant.

Not even pretend sparkies.

A young couple manage to finally have a child after years of trying. The only problem is that this child was born with only his head.

The child lived his life looking out the window at the other kids and by the age of 4 he really wanted to join them. He went to his father and asked, "Father can I go and play with the other kids?" His father looks at his son and says, "I'm sorry son but you dont have a torso, you cant possibly hope to play with the other kids."

The boy prays to go before goes to sleep that night, "God please give me a torso so i can play with the other kids."

The next day the child woke up with a torso. He screamed for his father, "Daddy, daddy, I grew a torso. Can I play with the other kids now?" The father looked at the boy and said, "I'm sorry son but you dont have any arms, how can you hope to play with the other kids?"

The boy again prays before going to sleep that night, "God please give me arms so i can play with the other kids."

The next day the child woke up with arms. He screamed for his father. "Daddy, daddy, I grew arms. Can I play with the other kids now?" The father looked at the boy and said, " I'm sorry son but you dont have any legs, how can you hope to play with the other kids?"

The boy yet again prays before going to sleep that night, "God please give me legs so i can play with the other kids."

The next day the child woke up with legs. He screamed for his father, "Daddy, daddy, I grew legs. Can I play with the other kids now?" The father smiled and said "Of course you can son, just be careful crossing the road."

The boy ran across the road and got hit by a bus.

Just bought a Horse. I called him Mayo.

Mayo neighs.

Can’t believe what I saw in McDonald’s today. An old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink , his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger , the people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously they were thinking , 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said , they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything..
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again , the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No , thank you , we are used to sharing everything.'
Finally , as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin , the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'
She answered
'THE TEETH'.

I went for a walk down ainsdale beach as its a nice day, I saw a bottle and picked it up ( bad move), a genie popped out and said i could have one wish, I said
" I want to be happy", so now I'm living in a cottage with six dwarfs and working down a mine all day,,,,

Am OK now, just had my punjab

And vac's just come ine....well it's the best I can come up with.

What's wrong with people these days?

I saw a sign on a tree earlier, it read, have you seen this cat, and had a picture of a cat on it alongside a phone number.

I rang the number and told them I hadn't seen it, they hung up.

Civility costs nothing.